For a long time I liked to look at older females not the ones my own age, at school I looked at the teachers and not girls in my class.. anyone I found attractive. Both Marie and Julie were exactly the type of lady that I liked.. attractive, curvy and sexy.After we finished working for the day both my father and uncle would start drinking only stopping briefly to eat dinner then back to drinking and talking and planning, they did'nt seem to notice much else, I would usually sit and check Julie out or sit in the living room next to the kitchen watch tv with my young cousins while continuing to look over at Julie, after what had recently happened with Marie I was quite horny and was having the same sort of thoughts about Julie and after a few different times of doing this I think Julie began to notice me looking at her she would usually just smile at me when she looked over at me and keep on cooking, cleaning dishes or bathing her k**s and putting them to bed.My mother was never happy. There was no way to fix things now. Until your guts are completely empty you can’t understand that feeling, no point in describing it. They say when someone is inside they can get raped. Nobody raped me, no one even tried. I spent 10 years lifting weights, working out. I spent 10 years reading and learning. I learned how to write, how to do convincing arguments. I learned the law. The life locked up isn’t so bad. At least where I was. Everything is structured, taken care of. Life becomes a rythmm. I described it once in one of my books, as being like ‘one of the Ants.’ Then they told me I was free, go home. I had no home, I didn’t even want to go. I was happy where I was. Some money and some clothes, out the door, go be a productive member of society. Yeah, sure. I did find work in a gas station. I found an apartment. One thing then another, saved a bit, bought a house, worked hard. Jobs got better. I mostly hated women, I would have little to do with them. Still don’t much. I got an.
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